Auto-Parent – the secret mother no one wanted

I remember with startling clarity the day I told my mother that I wasn’t sure what good parenting was, but it wasn’t what I’d had and I would never raise my kids that way! I must confess I delivered that little gem with all the arrogance of a nearly twenty year old who probably should have been standing a lot further away from her mother at the time (and no, she didn’t lash out at me, but boy I bet she wanted to!)


I struggled with being a mum at a young age, I felt judged at every turn. This was combined with a baby that wasn’t super keen on sleeping, and it started to add up to a bit of a nightmare, alright, a LOT of a nightmare. As my stress levels increased, my ability to manage motherhood decreased. I have clear memories of the day where I could no longer manage. I placed my crying son in his cot, shut the door and collapsed onto the floor in front of the bedroom door unable to stop the tears. I felt like such a failure. In retrospect I can now see that I most likely had post-natal depression, but at the time, I simply thought that I was an incompetent and useless mother.

Six years, and two more children later, I found myself applying to go to university where I fell into the study of psychology. Over time through my studies and various jobs, I have learnt that changing family patterns takes a whole lot more than an arrogant declaration of intent. I learnt why I parented the way I had been raised when I was stressed out. I learn why, despite reading every parenting book I could get my hands on, I couldn’t seem to stick to what I was trying to do. I learnt that breaking family patterns is not as simple as “doing the exact opposite of what my parents did:.

What I learnt was that we inadvertently take on how we are raised. These messages and behaviour patterns become subconsciously embedded and by default they become our baseline. Even if we are determined to be different to our parents, we often struggle when we are stressed and over-committed. Out “auto-parent” pops out leaving us feeling beaten, guilty and distressed. We become trapped in a cage we didn’t design and we have no idea how to escape. Oh sure, we muddle through and keep soldiering on, because we know “that’s what mothers do”. We don’t allow ourselves to truly express how we feel about how difficult mothering can be, about how we LOSE ourselves in the process of raising our children. We find ourselves DOING rather than BEING, although truth be told, we probably don’t really know what we’d BE anyway.

How did I move myself out of this space with everything I’d learnt? Oh how I wish I could tell you that overnight I became the mother who had it together and looked after herself and knew where she was headed, but that would be a lie. What I did do was start working things out for myself, applying what I had learnt and continued to learn. I started being honest with myself and others when I was hitting a wall and then being able to ask for help (which was, and still is, a hard thing for me to do). Some days I was great at it, but others I sucked. I learnt to be gentler with myself when I made a mistake. I am, after all, only human. It wasn’t just these little things, although they helped. It was a slow overhaul of how I did this thing called life.

If you’re reading this and it feels like I’ve been strolling around in your brain picking out your deepest fears and worries, then you’re in the right place. I help women just like you identify their patterns of behaviour and break free from the cage that keeps them trapped. Together we find YOU again. Imagine that each day feels like a step in the right direction (even if it’s just a little one), rather than the struggle it feels like right now. You get to define what your life looks like, and you make a plan to achieve it. Even better, you get to do all this with my knowledge and support every step of the way. My Life Alignment Program is designed just for you and it will propel you into a life where you feel motivated and empowered. Does this sound like exactly what you need right now? You can start your journey straight away by booking your free Alignment Call where we’ll talk about what you can expect when you work with me and for me to ensure that I can help you in the right ways.

If you aren’t ready to book that call, then I can bet that you’re worrying about whether you could really achieve this. You’ve probably tried lots of different things in the past and none of them have worked. Perhaps you feel like your life is way too far gone to even be fixed? Or worse, you’ll make a small change and then that’ll fail too, just like all those times before. Let me assure you that I have worked with clients in the past who have had those exact worries and they succeeded in making the changes that they planned. You can do it too. If you would like to find out more about what you’ll get in my Life Alignment Program, then you can read more by clicking below.

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